Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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