standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
