I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
