the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?