when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
