Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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