Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
