Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
