i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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