oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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