He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
