I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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