eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
