He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
