He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
