i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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