new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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