i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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