they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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