We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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