We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
