You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize