ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize