If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
