You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i think my cat just said my name.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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