just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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