I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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