Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
