i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
