he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
