how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
