Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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