Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she told me i tasted like america
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
