so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
