Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you would pick up someone in the library
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
