I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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