Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
