So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
