I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
