i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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