2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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