Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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