the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
