I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
