he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
