I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
