Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
did i just pee glitter
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
