I wanna passion pit in your ass
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
