I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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