We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
