woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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