The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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