I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
