accomplished twins. life is a go
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm too high and old for this...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
