I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
