If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Mom said you looked used
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
