u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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