Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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