Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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