4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
