i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream