haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella