I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.