After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too